As a single parent, there is nothing I hate more than someone saying,
“Is his father around? Did you know he was an asshole before you got pregnant?”
As if I am responsible for him being a ‘deadbeat dad.’ Yes, I am partially responsible for him being a dad. He is solely responsible for him being a deadbeat.
Now, let me say that I completely understand why someone would ask that but know this: Our relationship, good or bad, before having our son does not absolve him from being a good father. Nor does that make me responsible for him being a bad father.
I raise my son alone. I have a great support system in my family and my son’s paternal family. I clothe him, feed him, care for him, protect him and love him AS I SHOULD. I am taking responsibility for my actions and choices. I’m doing what I am supposed to be doing as a mother. Being irresponsible led to my being a mother. It also led to me making the responsible choice of taking care of my son.
That there is where the responsibility rope ends for me. I AM NOT responsible for his father not being present. I am not responsible for his father choosing to not be a parent. When a person tells a woman, “well, you should have known….” you are taking the responsibility away from the man and placing it on the woman. You are telling her, “it is your fault that your child’s father is not around.” I now know that not to be true.
For a long time I beat myself up thinking that it was my fault that my son is growing up without his father. It took me a while to realize that I was blaming myself for something of which I have absolutely no control. Once my son was born all of the shoulda, coulda, woulda’s became irrelevant. I couldn’t go back and change anything. All I could do was be the best mother possible. And that’s what I’m doing.
We both chose to engage in irresponsible sex and our son is the outcome. However, I am taking responsibility for my actions. I refuse to take responsibility for his inactions, also.
Destyne is a single mother and educator. Through personal experiences and life lessons she hopes to bring a different perspective to everyday issues in a simple, straightforward, yet positive way. With her free spirit and ever evolving thought process she takes on the challenge of bringing people together. Not to make them think the same but to be able to exist as different and unique individuals. Visit her blog Destynefulfilled.wordpress.com.