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I, at one time in my young life, hated women. Hate is such a strong word, but it is appropriate for expressing how I felt at a time in my life. I despised women for their naïveté, and their false pretenses that would come off as “lame” to me. These false pretenses strayed far from the reality in which I lived in. A façade that came to be known as life’s mascara hiding ones true blemishes made me believe that all women were nothing more than rugs that needed to be stepped on. I quite naturally gravitated to the idea of being a user, and an abuser, because as a man, or so I thought that is ultimately what we do to women. In the society we currently live in, mainstream America tells many like I that our manhood is predicated by our ability to be dominant and in control. I applied that rationale to how I dealt with the woman in my life. I came to realize that if I had a little bit of power,( money, cars, clothes) equals that women would be more receptive to me. It was not until I started going through some things that I was made aware of my misogynistic ways. Then I came to the conclusion that I, Qaadir Morris was a misogynist.
Misogyny derives from the Greek word “misogunia” which means hatred of woman. I did not become aware of this word until recently. The only thing that I knew was that I had a strong dislike of women. I was reading a book that I recommend to all young black males titled “Who’s Gonna Take The Weight” by Kevin Powell. One chapter in particular talked about his feeling of resentment towards women. It seemed comparable to my own preconceived notions that I began to truly analyze my mentality and myself. I was firm in my masculinity, but I grew wary of a woman getting close to me. I feared the idea of being looked at a certain way, and I feared the idea of being disappointed. I thought that because I did not have certain things going for me anymore that the women that I would come in contact with would not care for my issues. My preconceived notions would lead me to do the same, so henceforth I would try to get what I could from a woman.
I attribute my mentality at that stage of life to my upbringing. As a lot of us from urban communities, I too came from a single parent household. I love and cherish my mother, but there were times when even she would fall into the sight of my misogynistic views. I always wondered why my dad was never around. Why is it that he didn’t want anything to do with me? I formed this thought in my mind that it was my mother’s fault for him not being there. She must have pissed him off to the point of no return. As I reached my teenage years I strongly felt that it was her, and not my dad that caused us to never meet. As I matriculated through high school, and started to develop my own ideologies I could understand why my dad left us. Hell, I would have left if I had to deal with my mom on that level. With age and experience I now know that I again was wrong with my feelings.
Being from “Urban America” the streets played a big role in my misogynistic views. In the hood, all you really have is your manhood, and it is determined by your style, your lingo, and of course by how many women you can sleep with. The music that I digested, played a big role in my misogynistic ways. My friends and I would begin to apply what we learned from Master P and the whole Cash Money click in our day-to-day lives. We wanted to be hood rich and began to use choice words like “bitches and hoes” to describe the women in our neighborhood and at school. The crazy part about this is that I was genuinely a good guy. I had manners, and to some I was too “nice” to the ladies. This idea of being “nice” blew me too, because again I thought that women did not want to be respected. Because I would talk to them in a respectable manner and get played to the left, where as the guy who would feel on them and talk disrespectful to them would get the girl. I had no choice but to switch the swag because I wanted the girls. My rude and egotistical mannerisms had to show brighter than my intelligence if I wanted to be considered cool with the ladies, or so I thought.
I am a recovering misogynist. I can honestly say that I know longer despise women. Of course there is still room for growth, but I am now more aware than I have ever been. I do not claim to know it all, but I am aware of my flaws and that is a good thing. I believe that as a man we get so caught up in the material things in the world that we feel we have to buy our piece of love and happiness. I can’t say that I never flexed, because honestly I did. Maybe it is just the caliber of women that I was meeting that led me to believe these things. If I change my surroundings, I will get different results in my interactions. It comes down to being secure with who you are and knowing where you are going. I am not yet completely healed from the plague that a lot of us men face which is misogyny, but I am man enough to address the issue. What do you think?
Qaadir Morris is a journalist born and raised in the great city of Atlanta, Georgia. Morris is a recent graduate of Shaw University, located in Raleigh, North Carolina. Currently writing on a freelance level, Morris has interviewed the likes of T.I, and Andrew Young just to name a few. Qaadir is currently working on a novel titled “Schools Out”, which focuses on the trials and tribulations of a recent college graduate. In his artistic expression, Mr. Morris wishes to convey a sense of reality through words. “Writing for me has always been therapeutic”, says Mr. Morris. “Writing is like raising children; you have to instill structure yet give them space to grow and develop a personality.” As he continues to evolve Morris is also working on completing another novel by the end of the year, and organizing a series of events in the Metro Atlanta area.