On Saturday, October 27, 2018, I was set to attend an event at Bowie State University. There, I would mingle with other authors and hopefully sale copies of my children’s books. This event had been scheduled for months, but when the day finally came, I couldn’t overcome my sluggish mood. I had an eerie feeling all morning, plus I was running late. THEN, OUT OF NOWHERE, the sky cracked open.
It was literally raining sideways.
Now, drenched, I finally reached the building and unloaded. It was a slow day with a good gathering of Black authors. But the weirdness never left.
Later, after I stepped around pools of water under the remerging bright sky, I learned that Ntozake Shange had passed away that morning in Bowie, Maryland.
There were no words.
This was the woman that gave us the lines that told our lives.
“i found god in myself
and i loved her
i loved her fiercely”
“my spirit is too ancient to understand the separation of soul & gender”
sing a black girl’s song
bring her out
to know herself
to know you
but sing her rhythms
carin/ struggle/ hard times
sing her song of life”
“And this is for Colored girls who have considered suicide, but are moving to the ends of their own rainbows.”
These were the words that we knew before we heard them, so when we did, we never forgot them. She wrote our soul. Our blues, our joys, our grief, our hopes, our humanity, our love.
Ntozake Shange – “she who walks with lions”
On Tuesday, August 6, 2019, Toni Morrison passed away.
This time, I was on a train and cried out an old school church shout. Had I been in the pews, they would have fanned me and covered my legs with white cloth. It was one of those yells. The grief was too much. Our country is in the throws of mass shootings and an illegitimate racist president is running us to the ground, and now Toni Morrison dies?
Help lawd! Who told her she could die?
This is the woman that brought us Pecola Breedlove and Milkman.
She brought us:
“If you surrendered to the air, you could ride it.”
“Here, this here, is what a man can do if he puts his mind to it and his back in it. Stop sniveling,’ [the land] said. ‘Stop picking around the edges of the world. Take advantage, and if you can’t take advantage, take disadvantage. We live here. On this planet, in this nation, in this county right here. Nowhere else!”
“All of our waste which we dumped on her and which she absorbed. And all of our beauty, which was hers first and which she gave to us. All of us–all who knew her–felt so wholesome after we cleaned ourselves on her.”
These words mattered. There were incredible for their depth but perhaps mattered even more so, just because they existed. Because before reading their words, many of us didn’t know such a work could exist – that so righteously and unapologetically spoke US. Not spoke to us – SPOKE US!
We hadn’t known it was possible, until someone that loved us handed us a Toni Morrison book or had us read, watch or perform For Colored Girls.
We can do that? We can speak us?
For many, the concept is foreign in a world that tells us everyday that everything about us is wrong.
But there they were. Their presence and words changed our world and shifted the narrative around Black women’s lives. And they were so damn proud about it.
On my way home from work, after another fit of sobbing, the words came to me.
“Our prophets are dying…but they leave gifts.”
I immediately thought of all the sister friends that had called and texted throughout the day. How we all felt the absence of another giant as space and time paused.
Then I thought again of all our words. That we had taken this thing and ran with it. Their words mattered so much because we would never forget to speak us and from now on – we’d be so damned unapologetic about it.
Those are a few of the gifts.
They didn’t give us voice. They showed us our voices and how to use it.
They didn’t give us stories. They told our stories, centered us, and showed us their intrinsic value.
They didn’t give us vision. They showed us how to embrace our visions. How to carve out a space in this world and make it recognize that we exist damn it and we ain’t leaving!
They gave us these gifts…insights, paths, skills, confidence, self-awareness, and self-love. Speaking truth to power, speaking power to the truth within ourselves, and lighting the way forward – so that the new generation would rise.
Our prophets are dying…but they leave gifts.